NEVER MET A BOOK…
I no sooner see a book: I need it!
[Even though I’ll never read it],
Books in any binding, any font;
Though it’s always my ambition
To acquire a first edition —
I never met a book I didn’t want!
Of my rivals in the chase: (God bless ’em!)
How I long to dispossess ’em —
Dreams of bookish burgling haunt my sleep,
Though the smell of vellum lingers
On a dreaming felon’s fingers —
I never dreamt a book I didn’t keep!
‘Would you care to borrow this?’: I have it!
(Swear me out an affidavit!)
Flattery finds fools who never learn;
Those who loan ’em — losers weepers!
I disown ’em! Finders keepers! —
I never took a book I could return!
By kind permission of Felix Dennis