I NEVER MET A BOOK…

 NEVER MET A BOOK…

I no sooner see a book: I need it!
   [Even though I’ll never read it],
     Books in any binding, any font;
Though it’s always my ambition      
   To acquire a first edition —            
     I never met a book I didn’t want! 

Of my rivals in the chase: (God bless ’em!)    
  How I long to dispossess ’em —           
    Dreams of bookish burgling haunt my sleep,
Though the smell of vellum lingers 
  On a dreaming felon’s fingers —
    I never dreamt a book I didn’t keep! 

‘Would you care to borrow this?’: I have it!    
  (Swear me out an affidavit!)         
     Flattery finds fools who never learn;
Those who loan ’em — losers weepers!    
  I disown ’em!  Finders keepers! —          
     I never took a book I could return!

By kind permission of Felix Dennis